Mea Maxima Culpa

What happens if I make a mistake?

Here is the lesson from the Bible of Reality TV:

Squinty Specs*, the black suited and booted architect, has just designed the ultimate in modern living for Him ‘n’ Her and two sprogs, a house in the back garden of a listed Regency house in the posh part of Cheltenham, in the space where they usually park the second four by four. Because there have been so many complaints and planning difficulties, Squinty Specs designs the house to be mainly underground. Of course, concrete, huge expanses of ultra expensive glass and impossible–to–clean cooker hoods which look like chandeliers are de riguer, as well as living in a cellar with the bedrooms opening nicely onto the ‘outside space’ on the upper floors. Shame you spend most of your time in the bedroom asleep, in the dark. Come morning, you can go down to the ‘family living space’ and sit in the cellar. 'Lovely', says Squinty Specs to Him 'n' Her. 'its the latest thing - and you won't be able to see all those nasty, complaining neighbours'.

Along comes Kevin McCleod and an ernest Grand Designs TV crew. The architect is either sacked or buried in the huge pit currently being formed in the garden. Anyway, he does not appear in the programme at all, for reasons unknown but Cynical Alice here suspects money is the root of all absent architects.

The contractor starts work on the concrete, which of course, is super duper waterproof, vermin proof, cold proof, everything proof and does not appear to need tanking. Except, of course, it does. Oh, dear – in front of Kevin, the thing leaks like a colender and has to be sealed with resin. Exit contractor, after quarrel with Him over extra costs. (note – an architect running a contract would, most likely, say that the leaky concrete was the contractors fault, and must be put right at his own cost). Oh dear.

After one or two other eensy weensy problemettes and a no doubt expensive few sessions with a planning consultant, Kevin is touring the new building with the usual ‘oooh’s and ‘aahs’, but is rather more muted than normal. The only criticism he seems to have is that there should have been two slabs of glass in the ceiling, rather than one. He could have added that a bit more light might have made it more bearable to live in. Cost, says Him, was the issue. Never mind, says Her, we’ve got two cooker hoods costing three and a half grand each, as well as his ‘n’ her ovens and hobs. Yes, two ovens and hobs, all in the name of symmetry. Quite frankly, when I want symmetry, I put just one in the middle. That is what seven years' training does. As an architect, I am used to giving the client a bit of a ‘wow’ factor without completely busting the bank with unnecessary extra ovens. I wonder what His ‘n’ Her bathroom was like? Does it have two loos, for the sake of symmetry? Hmmm.

I looked at Grand Designs website for the architect’s name. I was interested to see his other work, to see if this double-oven-double-hob-double-cost motif was a kind of signature, but a quick search of the Architects’ Registration Board reveals that this 'architect' Clint Jones*
is not registered.

If you’re not in the ARB, you’re not an architect. Simple as that.
If you’re not an architect, you don’t have to obey the professional code.
If you don’t have to obey the professional code, you don’t have to have indemnity insurance.
If you don’t have to fork out for the truly mind boggling indemnity insurance premiums, you can undercut the real architects’ fees.
If you are el cheapo, the client thinks they can save money for that all important double vision.
If you are not regulated or insured, and practice from a limited company, you can design leaky cellars and double oven heaven to your heart’s content, knowing you are not worth sueing and cannot get struck off.

So, what happens if Alice and her brethren make a mistake?

I am insured of course, for gasp-inducing premiums every year, after filling in a huge and complicated renewal form. I fear the ARB and the possibility of being found professionally incompetant. I abase myself before the alter of my professional code.

Therefore, if things go wrong, I try and put things right, without charge. I am as careful as I can be with the design and do not tend to specify wacky concrete or right on roofing materials. Boring, but safe. I hope.


*I am just stereotyping of course. I don’t actually know he’s got squinty specs and wears black. How un-PC of me!

*I am not saying this chap is incompetent - just that he is not an architect. If Him 'n' Her had used a proper architect, a proper main contractor and carried on with their own business of stirring non existant soup and showing the kids the laptop, all would have had a much smoother ride. But would it make good TV?

* My fellow bloggers, B2A and Norman Blogster have written excellent posts, much better than mine, on this episode of Grand Designs - see the links on the sidebar.